It has been about a year since I began my one and only serious relationship. Around this time, I have also began to find myself in my head late alone at night reminiscing. Or worse, I find myself reminiscing with someone while they internally roll their eyes at my lack of faith that anyone will every even like me again for more than my vagina (which is a much easier task to manage). The same friend who rolls her eyes with me now, it is good to know, has also been through most of the ex-relationship as a whole. So, it was easy for her to remind me that he was sort of an asshole. “Yes,” I completely agree with her. But, does that make it wrong to miss him?

Like most things that come to an end in life, I am pretty sure that there is a grace period after where you are aloud to reminisce, increasing by the time and relative emotional gravity whatever event took place.I still like to reminisce about pizza when I was about four and the silence seemed as big as my face. I still tell stories of my eight year exploration into gymnastics before someone finally told me that I was too much of a wuss to actually make anything of it.

Maybe though, this is sort of the same situation as I lie in bed and think about all the nights where I braved the half mile walk to his place to watch a strange assortment Netflix before falling asleep against his surprisingly warm chest instead of reaching towards an empty space that made me think something no college living student should ever think, maybe my twin xl mattress is too big for one person. Or at least a person who doesn’t have a full heart back yet. Maybe someone needs to stand up and tell me to stop being a wuss and finally get over my ex since I am making a bad case for women not being able to get over the guys they’ve slept with. He ain't coming back even if he still texts you dog gifs throughout the week, which is both nice and also worrying. Yet, then again, what is the harm in remembering? And...slightly wishing to return back to those moments if only for a second.

You know, until the possibility of love is back in the air and I even know it is better to lock up the ex for good.

The main worry I am sure about this is the fear of not being able to fully move on. The question that, if I am constantly reminiscing, am I living still in the past, wondering if I will ever find another average slice of pizza to be as big as my face again? But here comes the charity. It was supposed to happen. An ex at some point or another is supposed to be an ex. Eventually, I got big enough that I could get two slices with extra cheese. We can’t go back and expect that all the reminiscing about the good stuff doesn’t also come with all the messy not so good bits that make me think of him and agree with my friend without a doubt. “Asshole.”

But mine, if only for a time.

So what does everyone else think? Is it bad to reminisce about your ex? Yourself with your ex? Exs?